The IBPB

There is a sizable segment of society that really needs to stick together, because we are one of the most abused and belittled groups anywhere. Perhaps you have noticed young men shortly after they marry. If they turn sideways, they have a somewhat different profile than they used to have. In short, they begin to develop a little hangover around the beltline. And, of course, everyone makes fun of us because of it (not that I am anywhere close to that age any more).

My younger brother never let it bother him. He just called it “prosperous looking,” and went on about his business. Others have dubbed it the “spare tire” around our middles. Perhaps the least-kind description, however, is “pot bellies.” I mean, there is just something that sounds downright demeaning in that name, isn’t there?

In American history, we have had a tendency to organize ourselves whenever some group within society found common cause and felt a need to defend its own interests. So, in that same spirit, I am calling upon my rotund brethren to arise, join hands, and defend ourselves against the unkind arrows of public opprobrium. Pot bellies of the world, UNITE!

I hereby declare the birth of the International Brotherhood of Pot Bellies (IBPB). All of us whose wives make sarcastic comments whenever we turn sideways need to get organized and defend ourselves. In fact, at our first national convention, our group photograph will be taken with all of us standing sideways. That might cause the photographer to have to use a wide-angle lens, but what of it? One of the jabs that I get from my womenfolk is that it “isn’t healthy” to have a pot belly. Possibly not, but then I don’t expect to live forever, anyway. I have noticed that everyone kicks the bucket sooner or later, with or without a belly. And dying with a pot belly definitely is preferable to dying because of starvation.